self portrait tuesday- hiding
This week's self portrait was a bit harder for me than the others have been. I've done so many shots of "part" of me. This week I struggled with what to focus on for my portrait. I'm in a bit of a funk regarding my weight and a shot of anything more was out of the question. I've never been a skinny girl but I was comfortable with myself + my weight when I graduated high school and the few years after that. I maintained my weight for several years. After Alex and I got married in March 2004 I gained twenty pounds in five months. That's a LOT to gain in that short of a time. I started Weight Watchers and lost twelve of those pounds. Losing weight for me is a full time job. Seriously. It's incredibly hard. I feel like I become obsessed with what I am eating and working out literally every available moment. Then, as suddenly as I began to lose weight, I stopped. In the eight months that followed I've gained those twelve pounds back plus an additional five. I am currently at my highest weight ever and I feel so depressed about it. I feel tired just thinking about what I have to do to lose the weight but I feel sick to see myself like this. I am sad that I don't feel comfortable showing you "ME" because I have such negative feelings right now. I am hoping that this will change. I am hoping to get the courage to do what needs to be done so that I can become a healthier, happier ME.