{love, joleen} the blog -->

Sunday, December 17, 2006

abuse


{sad bear purchased from hotdog n' bun booth at felt club.}
i was sitting in a restaurant booth with alex today at lunch, looking out the window when i saw a young man begin an altercation with the woman he was with. horrified, i saw him in her face, yelling at her and pushing her into the car they were standing against. then he shoved her into the passenger seat and began to hit her. he ran around to the driver's seat and like that, was speeding along. shocked and horrified, a scream was going on within myself. hadn't anyone else seen what was happening? couldn't i have run out the nearest exit and yelled for him to stop? embarrassed may have made him worse once they got home, i suppose. my heart broke for that girl and i cried silent tears for her into my lunch. how do people find their way into abusive relationships? it's seems uncommon since, like most negative things, it's rarely talked about. still, i'm sure it happens more often then we think. feeling helpless, all i could do at that point was pray for her and her situation- and thank god i've always felt treasured in mine.

8 Comments:

Blogger Lora said...

OH Joleen...what a site to have witnessed. I am so thankful that I have found a man who is not like that. I'll say a little prayer for the lady that she is alright!

6:37 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I am sorry you had to see that and didn't have time to react. I feel badly for women who are not strong enough to get out of their bad situations. Thoughts of strength going out to her and a hug for you.

9:08 PM  
Blogger *aimee* said...

i cried a tear for this woman but then i realized that my tears do her no good. instead i will pray. i will pray for her and all the woman like her, who for whatever reason, feel helpless, hopeless, powerless in their situations. May we not pity them but be the strength they need, the prayers they can only whisper, the ears to hear their silent pleas and above all, their voice!!!

2:42 AM  
Blogger Bridget said...

Hugs to you, for your honest feelings on seeing something so terrible.
If you want to know how it happens, I have one answer, others might have a different answer. Sometimes they don't start out that way. First they let you fall in love with them and then they change,over time, and they tell you it's your fault and you believe them because they were so wonderful before. The worst part is there is nothing you could do for her, she has to do it for herself.

9:01 AM  
Anonymous Dreamer said...

I agree with Bridget. Though I've been fortunate to never have gone through something like that I also sometimes ask myself how people end up in those relationships and sadly Bridget's explanation is one of the ways. I too hope she will get the strength to stand up for herself and realize she deserves so much better (sounds weird coming from someone who didn't even witness it but I feel strongly about a lot of things, this being one of them).

Bless you for caring about a stranger.

6:24 PM  
Blogger Karla said...

OH GOSH! I HAD TO SEE SOMETHING JUST LIKE THAT MY SELF LAST MONTH. THE SAME NIGHT I POST AN ENTRY ON MY BLOG AS WELL. I FELT SO BAD AND I HAD MIXED FEELINGS, BUT I WAS GLAD I HAVE A GREAT HUBBIE. I WAS SO UPSET B/C THE GIRL WAS THE ONE DRIVING AND SHE HAD ATLEAST 150LBS ON THE GUY... AND ALL OF THAT IT SEEM AS IF THE GUY WAS WAY STRONGER... :(

5:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you had to endure this. It is tough to watch, especially when there is almost nothing you can do.

I was in an abusive relationship. I am strong, smart, savvy, and I take shit from nobody. My 4 previous relationships had been healthy partnerships with wonderful men. I have parents who modeled excellent marriage skills. And then I met N.

He was so sweet! Raved about my intelligence. So supportive. My nieces loved him. What a kind and thoughtful man. Until he knew that I was hooked - and that's when it all broke down. I won't go into the details, but it was your standard awful. He first abused me on the same day he first told me he loved me.

I left him and returned 4 times (each time he upped the ante); the 5th time took (there are statistics that show it takes an average of 6 breakups before a woman leaves her abuser for good, and yes - the overwhelming majority of abusees are female. However, sometimes women never leave.). This last time I had the good sense to get help, and I found a local support group.

Much of the advice I've heard and read indicates that any outside intervention in the middle of an abusive attack will result in worse abuse once the couple has reached a private location, so there's almost nothing you could have done. About all that folks might be able to do is know the name of your local shelter - if you see an abusive incident and the abuser *leaves* - let the woman where it is.

5:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry - I meant to sign that. My name is Susan.

5:32 PM  

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